I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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