Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize