five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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