Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
