And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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