Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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