i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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