Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
