It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize