I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
