There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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