Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
