so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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