I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
