Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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