Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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