Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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