does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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