My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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