Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
