I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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