You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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