tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
