Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
