i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
