I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
