I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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