Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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