Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
