so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
