"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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