I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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