She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's get the cat blown out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
did i just pee glitter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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