Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All the doctor said was why
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
