I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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