I skipped work to stalk him.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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