yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
