How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
