It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
