U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
