So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
