i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
