it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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