I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
