haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She bit a glass in half.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
