There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
