she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
