Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
