I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
