i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
