So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is the high leading the old right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
