Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
