Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
