you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
