he puts the penis in happiness.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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