all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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