So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
