i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
