1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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