hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
