For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
