Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize