So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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