My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
