We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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