She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
