he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
