so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
