Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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