Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
