Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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