There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
