You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
