Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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